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"They would have been cute." I don't have money to waste on formal gowns that I plan to wear a single time," Hildy countered. "I thought this would be okay." Oh, it is," Ashley replied. "And I like your no-make-up look. It's so ... so (ahem) ... natural." Let's talk about something else," Jim said.Jim felt Hildy's hand on his leg. He knew she was telling him not to make a scene."Right," Rich said, "it's supposed to be nice at the lake tomorrow and..." Well, Jim," Ashley interrupted, "I can see that you understand that beauty isn't everything."Jim leaned close to Hildy."Why don't you go to the Ladies' room and powder your nose?" I don't need to powder my nose," Hildy whispered back. "Please, just let it go. It doesn't matter to me."Hildy had almost convinced Jim. He knew that Ashley was nearly drunk. The glassful of super-punch that she'd carried into the dining room was nearly empty."Stevie," Ashley said, "I need another glass of punch."Steve started to get up to go on his errand."I. Suddenly he lets out an almighty ear-splitting shriek.He turns to Jane and says "Jane, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times ... GRAB! THE! VINE!!!"-- and two that go togetherQ: Why do elephants paint their balls red?A: So they can hide in apple trees.Q: How did Tarzan die?A: Picking apples.Building PermitSome have asked what I've been doing in retirement. Well, I applied for a building permit for a new house.It was going to be 100 ft. tall and 400 ft. wide, with 12 gun turrets at various heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system. It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim.The City Council told me; "Forget it ... AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!"So, I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a "Mosque."Work starts on Monday. And here is the best part, it's going to be tax exempt!I love this country. It's the government that scares the shit out of me!This one is compliments of.
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